Fresh Prince

I don't understand the zombie like state that this show puts me in. I can watch hours of it on end and never get tired. I have seen each episode at least 3-4 times yet I get drawn in by Nick at Fucking Night. I mean, damn. This show for me was the more grown up version of the Cosby Show (which I also watch too much). This, for me, was when I first heard of Will Smith. And from then on out, he never really let me down... except for Wild Wild West... that just sucked to no end.

I will now present my favorite moments of Fresh Prince and I am sure you all have seen and LOVE the first clip... It is utterly brilliant and hilarious. And if you get me drunk enough, I will join in the dance.

Michael Clayton

I'm not all that sure why, but I decided to see another movie today. Yea, what else is new... Right? Anyways, hearing great reviews from a number of different people, I gave a George Clooney movie a chance. In most cases, I abhor this man's acting. However, there are a decent number of his movies that I like (Good Night and Good Luck, Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, Three Kings, From Dusk Till Dawn) but the reason I like each is DEFINITELY not because he is in them. I don't know what it is about him, he always just seems dry and about to fall asleep.

As for Michael Clayton, it wasn't a horrible movie by any standards but I do have some issues with it. First and foremost... It was SLOWWWWWWWWWWW. I mean, interesting plot and good development with some good directing, use of camera angles, etc. However, I ended up checking my watch thinking that it had been 2 hours and it had only been 1. It REALLY needed something like a court scene or some random pick-me-up around the middle. Being a frame story, the first 5-10 minutes caught your interest, the middle died down to numerous dry actors progressing the story, and the last 15-20 minutes picked back up again. Here you go... this is what it felt like: You know when you have a craving for something stupid like a peanut butter sandwich, you make it thinking it will be great, begin to eat it and realize that it takes so fucking long to chew and it keeps sticking to your mouth and, ultimately, it takes forever to eat and almost seems like it wasn't worth it? Yea, same thing, just 86 the PB and add Clooney.

Oh yea, and I make it an effort not to ruin any movie that I review so I will not go into too much detail with this. However, if you see this movie, I'm sure you will have the same reaction I did at the end. It was one of those movies where it just ended SO abruptly that people were still sitting down thinking... "Should we stay? Is anything else going to happen? I'm confused." I don't know if it was an attempt to create an artistic and potent ending but... Uh... It was absolute idiocy.

As it seems with most of the movies I review. I would suggest renting this one. If you don't mind dry and slow movies, it has a great plot and good development. I did enjoy that. Other than that, if you cant take slow movies, stay far away.

Overall: 3.5/5

The Kingdom

So... I had a free movie pass and I recently went to go see The Kingdom with it. I didn't necessarially want to see it bad but I figured I would give it a chance. I can honestly say it was better than I thought it would be BUT that isn't saying too much because I wasn't expecting much going in. Anyways, I will say that as soon as the movie started it bothered me. I mean, they have some odd way of telling the story of "The Kingdom" in Saudi Arabia where the words turn into objects which have some significance. One of the aforementioned objects were the World Trade Centers which they showed planes crashing into... OK. Why? It bothers me that certain filmmakers feel they can take the image and use it to fuel hatred for a certain type of people in a movie. Eh... Might just be me but it rubbed me the wrong way initially.

As for the movie itself, certain events happened WAY too fast. It was like... OK we are in the US and nobody will let us go to Saudi Arabia. Then one conversation later BAM they are in Saudi Arabia. Certain things like that seemed to leave giant holes in the plot. Another thing I couldn't quite grasp is what type of a movie was the director shooting for? Some times I thought it would be a political commentary, other times drama, and later in the movie it seemed like an action movie. It seemed to jump around too much and and throw too many genres at me.

I will say that some of the acting was good. However, it was mostly the actors who played Saudi Arabians. I am not a fan of Jennifer Garner and this movie didn't help any. She seemed like the weakest at acting throughout the whole movie. Another aspect I enjoyed is that they portrayed the Lead Saudi soldier as a hero and presented both sides of the Arab people (those terrorist ideas which are force fed to us and the idea that some of them just want the fighting to end and will do anything to protect their children). It was definitely an interesting movie that kept my interest and led to a nice climax but had an end that fizzled to nothingness extremely rapidly.

Especially seeing as it will soon be out of theaters, I would suggest renting it and giving it a shot that way. If you don't like the beginning, fast forward to the end climax scenes, they will keep you interested at least. Not a horrible movie but by no means great either.

Overall: 3/5

Sammy Stevens

Oddly enough, this will be another commercial post (I promise they will end soon). So here is the deal. I know I am late to the party but I now have a new idol. The one and only Sammy Stephens. Take a look at his video and then tell me he isn't the most brilliant man on the planet.



I mean... How awesome was that!!! Perhaps I am crazy but I MUST meet this man. This is why I will not rest with a clear conscience until Erock, Brian and I drive our sorry asses to Alabama this summer and sing and dance with Sammy. I WILL go to the Flea Market Montgomery and it will be the most glorious day of my life. And it will all be filmed and documented. YES!!! I WILL DANCE WITH SAMMY!!! IT JUST LIKE... IT JUST LIKE... A MINI MAWL!!!

The Best Commercials Ever

OK. I know I really went off on that Sea World commercial so in all fairness I will post my favorite commercials of all time just to show that my taste is not horrible. I mean, I might have a very ODD taste but thats the way it goes, I'm nothing more than a nut. So enjoy my favorites which I like to call "Horrible Actors on Fire" and "I Would do the Same Thing" respectively:

Damn Sea World Commercial...

OK. Before I say anything... You have to watch this:



Now answer me something... WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? I have many questions that I demand Sea World to answer. First and foremost... Why in the hell is Shamu flying?! I mean, that really bothers the hell out of me. Its retarded. Its something that a kindergartener would dream up. Maybe thats their whole point but to those of us who still have sense... It might just be the most stupid thing imaginable.

Secondly... When was the last time one of those dolphins actually came that close to you? I mean really... Having a dolphin come near you is like an endurance trial. You very quietly and gently put your hand on the surface of the water, wait there, don't move... I think it's coming... Wait for it... OH NO, it went the other fucking way. What else is new. But no... This kid and her father get one fucking bobbing its whole upper half out of the water to greet them. Yea. That would be the day.

Thirdly... I might be seeing things but does Shamu come out of the water under the kid at the play area. Damn, you know, if that actually happened, my ass would be in the play area all day just waiting like I do for the damn dolphins. There I am... Looking like a dumbass with my face pressed against burning hot plastic in some maze of microwaves that slowly kill you HOPING for a glimpse of a frickin whale.

Lastly... I don't think this needs much more of an explanation but THAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING SONG IN THE WORLD!!! Some genius at marketing was like... OK, lets have a song with a lot of Hey Ya's and throw in an Ooooo for good measure. THAT WILL DO IT! WTF happened to the days of New Sensation by INXS? Oh man. This commercial just bothers me every time I see it and it must be put to an end.

The Heartbreak Kid

So. My cinematic indulgence this week was The Heartbreak Kid with Ben Stiller... As you can obviously see from above. Despite full well knowing that Farrelly brothers movies can be hit (Me Myself and Irene, Dumb and Dumber) or miss (Shallow Hal, Stuck On You), I gave it a shot.
Let's put it this way. I am glad I went for matinée and it only cost me six bucks. Any more than that and I would have regretted it.

It seemed to be a desperate try by the Farrelly brothers to create another one of their past hits. Don't get me wrong, it had some funny scenes but nothing brilliant and original. Hell, one scene in particular seemed so stupid that you could put it into one of the Scary Movies and it would fit right in just fine. Certain things were nothing more than playing into the immature side of people that still likes bodily grotesque humor. No class, just thrown in your face. The only saving grace of this movie is Ben Stiller's rants. For some reason, whenever he gets pissed off, I find it hilarious. Oh yea, and a major downside to this movie is that Carlos Mencia is in it. His role just seemed thrown in for the hell of it and it's not like he even did a good job.

I guess my overall thoughts are that you should skip it and see something else unless there is nothing you want to see but still want to go to the movies. The Heartbreak Kid is a movie that you can enjoy just as much from the comfort of your own home renting it or, dare I say, downloading it. The big screen gives it no added appeal at all.

Overall: 2/5

My Addiction

Hello everyone. My name is William and I am an addict.

The sad part is that it is THE most stupid thing on the planet to be addicted to... Downloading games. I mean, I'm a frickin schizo. I play a game MAYBE once every 2-3 days yet I try to get as many as I can. I am like one of those stupid squirrels that is completely full but will still do everything in his power to horde as many nuts as possible. Downloading the games, on its own, has almost begun a game. I mean... I have to find them. I have to DL them. I have to keep my seed to leech ratio above a certain point. Except there is one problem... I see no end in sight. On top of it all I KNOW I will never play every one of these games. Some of them I am only faintly interested in for that matter. I am a dumbass and I will forever remain a dumbass until the day I die (and Erock gets my DS) it seems.

So, in the end... I am a squirrel... Wow. It is a sad day. I guess it could be worse though. I could be Don King reincarnated as a squirrel..........

Death at a Funeral

So, after hearing great things about this movie, I decided that it would be worth a shot. Truthfully, I am not a giant fan of British comedy. Don't get me wrong, I loved Shaun of the Dead and I worship Monty Python but for most British humor, I feel it is hit or miss (that is why I won't go see the new Bean movie... the first one wasn't half bad but this one just reeks of failure). However, this movie seemed much less British humor and more Dark/Black humor. And that, my friends, is my favorite comedy genre. My parents and I were the only people laughing inside a full theater of college students when we went to go see House of 1000 Corpses. Hell, I don't even know if Rob Zombie would classify his movie as a comedy, but it sure as hell made me laugh a lot. Anyways, this movie started out brilliant and the comedic recipe for disaster just never ended.

It was your typical dark comedy but the acting made it brilliant. Take a horrible situation, in this case, the death of a family member, add tension between family members, skeletons in the closet, hallucinogenic drugs, a gay midget, and some of the most horrible circumstances you can dream up, add them all together and you can somewhat understand the bizarre absurdity that this movie put forth. If you see this move, expect top notch acting from Alan Tudyk (If you do not know who he is... Think Steve the Pirate in Dodgeball or Wat in A Knights Tale) and Peter Dinklange (Don't really know of him in any other context besides the midget in Nip/Tuck). One series of horrible events after another made this movie one worth seeing.

However, a word of caution. Not many people would feel the same way about this movie as I did. If you are sensitive to topics such as sanctity of death, homosexuality, drug use, or any of these mixed together... This movie is NOT for you. You have to walk into this movie suspending reality and not judging it based upon the circumstances. If you do, you will probably hate it. So, in homage to the British; this film is the dog's bollocks and you'd have to be barmy and blinkered to skive it and Bob's your uncle.

Overall: 4.5/5

Back to the Future

Call me a nerd as much as you want... I frickin love Back to the Future. If it is on TV, I just have to watch it. However, recently I have had an issue with one of my favorite movies of all time. It seems that there is a potential philosophical screw up in part 2. Let me explain...

We are told by Doc in the scene where they leave Jennifer on the front porch of the alternate 1985 that, if their mission goes as planned, the world should change around her and it would be like she never left. At this point, they go back in time to stop Biff from obtaining the sports almanac. However, lets flash back to a little earlier in the movie... Remember when Biff steals the Delorian to give his younger self the sports almanac in the first place? If Doc's prior statement were to hold true, then the future reality that Marty and Doc were both in would have completely changed around them to a reality where Biff is a powerful multimillionaire. What happened here? I mean, I understand suspending reality to a certain degree but this movie was so flawless in my eyes. For years I could not come up with any fault in the movie. And BOOM... Like a dumbass, I see it right in front of my eyes.

**Sigh** This doesn't change anything though. Like an idiot, for years to come, I will be drawn in like a moth to the flame. I mean, who can resist the Doc and Marty duo. So "Great Scott"... "This is heavy" and all that. Fuck continuity, the Back to the Future trilogy is brilliant.