American Gangster

OK. This is a movie that I have been patiently waiting for. I am a GIANT fan of the Godfather series (By series I mean part 1 and 2... 3 is another animal) and most critics promised this to be the modern Godfather. Well, without further ado, I will tell you... It was a great movie and well worth going to see but it couldn't shake a damn stick at the Godfather.

I truly enjoyed the fact that the movie seemed like a throw back to the 80's where massive amounts of constant violence weren't necessary. I can't come up with a better word for this movie than "gritty." It really felt like I was watching Scarface with different actors. All of whom, I will add, did a wonderful job. Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe definitely put their heart into the roles and did one hell of a job. You could literally watch Washington's character fall into a decline as he got more powerful. His acting methods completely changed and made for a very interesting movie.

The plot, although at times a little too Scarface-ish, kept you interested and it never really seemed to drag. As for negatives about this movie, I don't know what to tell you. It was great, kept me intrigued, but it was missing a certain "je ne sais quoi." Let's put it this way, if I were given the chance to see this movie again, I probably wouldn't. It was brilliant the first time I saw it but it is definitely lacking on replay value. Perhaps it is a bit too long, I mean, almost 3 hours can run you a bit dry whether you know it or not.

Anyways, it is WELL worth giving a chance. However, I wouldn't feel it necessary to see it in theaters. But try it nonetheless. I feel it is one of the better movies of the year that I have seen thus far.

Overall: 4.5/5

30 Days of Night

So, being extremely skeptical concerning vampire movies in recent years, I went into this movie thinking (oddly enough) that it would be good. The main reason for this is that everyone who I know that likes horror movies (and I trust their opinion) said it was a good movie. Happily, I was not let down. Although it did not hold the appeal of some of the best horror movies from the past, it definitely held my interest and brought a novel appeal that I enjoyed.

Interestingly, I was mainly impressed with the vampires themselves. They diverged from your typical mysterious/seductive role to a more badass/leave no prisoners role. This was by no means your typical Vampire movie. Even the violence seemed a bit more intense. Also, certain parts of it were actually pretty funny. Moreover, not to give anything away, but I felt that the ending was rather imaginative. I haven't seen a movie where the final concept of how to kill the main vampire was carried out in the same manner.

Overall, it was a fun movie to watch. Kept me interested throughout most of it. The only downside to the movie that I will mention is the overall dry and dead feel. I mean, it seemed like they purposefully picked actors and actresses who had little to no emotion. That, coupled with the already existing drab atmosphere from the constant darkness, made the move drag at some points. However, NOWHERE near Michael Clayton. Mainly, it's a good movie to watch and forget about any mental activity.

Overall: 4/5

Saw IV

First off, I know its been a while since my last post. I've been slackin my ass off. However, school is getting to the grind and eating at my time. However, How could I leave you all without movie reviews. I mean, thats probably the one productive thing this site produces (some might argue).


Let's begin by informing you straight up... if you have not seen parts 2 or 3... DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. The plots and characters are so intertwined that certain events will leave you sitting there wondering what the hell just happened. In fact, I have seen the other two, however, I haven't seen them in a while and I was real confused when I saw the movie. With that disclaimer in place, lets get to the meat of this bitch.

First off, the story was VERY complex and convoluted. It seemed to race between flashbacks and reality just to get the original guy who played the killer into the movie. Eh... that was a bit much for me. Then, like I previously mentioned, random characters from past movies are brought in with no introduction and we are all expected to just inherently know who they are. Damn guys, I ain't THAT big of a fan of your series.

Moreover, it seemed like the traps even lost some appeal to me. I really enjoyed the first one for the novelty and I liked the second one because it put a group of people in one big trap like rats in a maze. Both this one and part 3 seem to lose the appeal slowly. There is nothing special really. Only originality comes in the different fatality techniques. Even those didn't impress me all that much it seems. However, I definitely thought it was better than Part 3. Part 3 just holds a lot of hatred in my heart. It was plain stupid.

Also, let me go on record by saying that... Yes... I did go see this movie at midnight of the night it opened. I know, I am an idiot. I am just a sucker for a horror movie. I mean, there hasn't been that great of one over the past couple years. I was just hoping. What can I say? I was let down. OH YEA!!! And I almost forgot to mention... The twist ending was predictable as hell. You ain't gotta be Sherlock Fucking Holmes to figure out what is going on.

Ultimately, if you are a fan of the series, go see it. It is better than part 3. If you are a fan of horror movies, its kinda worth a shot (however the next movie I will review is better). Otherwise, it is just a mindless movie to see if you don't want to think about ANYTHING.

Overall: 2.5/5

Fresh Prince

I don't understand the zombie like state that this show puts me in. I can watch hours of it on end and never get tired. I have seen each episode at least 3-4 times yet I get drawn in by Nick at Fucking Night. I mean, damn. This show for me was the more grown up version of the Cosby Show (which I also watch too much). This, for me, was when I first heard of Will Smith. And from then on out, he never really let me down... except for Wild Wild West... that just sucked to no end.

I will now present my favorite moments of Fresh Prince and I am sure you all have seen and LOVE the first clip... It is utterly brilliant and hilarious. And if you get me drunk enough, I will join in the dance.

Michael Clayton

I'm not all that sure why, but I decided to see another movie today. Yea, what else is new... Right? Anyways, hearing great reviews from a number of different people, I gave a George Clooney movie a chance. In most cases, I abhor this man's acting. However, there are a decent number of his movies that I like (Good Night and Good Luck, Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, Three Kings, From Dusk Till Dawn) but the reason I like each is DEFINITELY not because he is in them. I don't know what it is about him, he always just seems dry and about to fall asleep.

As for Michael Clayton, it wasn't a horrible movie by any standards but I do have some issues with it. First and foremost... It was SLOWWWWWWWWWWW. I mean, interesting plot and good development with some good directing, use of camera angles, etc. However, I ended up checking my watch thinking that it had been 2 hours and it had only been 1. It REALLY needed something like a court scene or some random pick-me-up around the middle. Being a frame story, the first 5-10 minutes caught your interest, the middle died down to numerous dry actors progressing the story, and the last 15-20 minutes picked back up again. Here you go... this is what it felt like: You know when you have a craving for something stupid like a peanut butter sandwich, you make it thinking it will be great, begin to eat it and realize that it takes so fucking long to chew and it keeps sticking to your mouth and, ultimately, it takes forever to eat and almost seems like it wasn't worth it? Yea, same thing, just 86 the PB and add Clooney.

Oh yea, and I make it an effort not to ruin any movie that I review so I will not go into too much detail with this. However, if you see this movie, I'm sure you will have the same reaction I did at the end. It was one of those movies where it just ended SO abruptly that people were still sitting down thinking... "Should we stay? Is anything else going to happen? I'm confused." I don't know if it was an attempt to create an artistic and potent ending but... Uh... It was absolute idiocy.

As it seems with most of the movies I review. I would suggest renting this one. If you don't mind dry and slow movies, it has a great plot and good development. I did enjoy that. Other than that, if you cant take slow movies, stay far away.

Overall: 3.5/5

The Kingdom

So... I had a free movie pass and I recently went to go see The Kingdom with it. I didn't necessarially want to see it bad but I figured I would give it a chance. I can honestly say it was better than I thought it would be BUT that isn't saying too much because I wasn't expecting much going in. Anyways, I will say that as soon as the movie started it bothered me. I mean, they have some odd way of telling the story of "The Kingdom" in Saudi Arabia where the words turn into objects which have some significance. One of the aforementioned objects were the World Trade Centers which they showed planes crashing into... OK. Why? It bothers me that certain filmmakers feel they can take the image and use it to fuel hatred for a certain type of people in a movie. Eh... Might just be me but it rubbed me the wrong way initially.

As for the movie itself, certain events happened WAY too fast. It was like... OK we are in the US and nobody will let us go to Saudi Arabia. Then one conversation later BAM they are in Saudi Arabia. Certain things like that seemed to leave giant holes in the plot. Another thing I couldn't quite grasp is what type of a movie was the director shooting for? Some times I thought it would be a political commentary, other times drama, and later in the movie it seemed like an action movie. It seemed to jump around too much and and throw too many genres at me.

I will say that some of the acting was good. However, it was mostly the actors who played Saudi Arabians. I am not a fan of Jennifer Garner and this movie didn't help any. She seemed like the weakest at acting throughout the whole movie. Another aspect I enjoyed is that they portrayed the Lead Saudi soldier as a hero and presented both sides of the Arab people (those terrorist ideas which are force fed to us and the idea that some of them just want the fighting to end and will do anything to protect their children). It was definitely an interesting movie that kept my interest and led to a nice climax but had an end that fizzled to nothingness extremely rapidly.

Especially seeing as it will soon be out of theaters, I would suggest renting it and giving it a shot that way. If you don't like the beginning, fast forward to the end climax scenes, they will keep you interested at least. Not a horrible movie but by no means great either.

Overall: 3/5

Sammy Stevens

Oddly enough, this will be another commercial post (I promise they will end soon). So here is the deal. I know I am late to the party but I now have a new idol. The one and only Sammy Stephens. Take a look at his video and then tell me he isn't the most brilliant man on the planet.



I mean... How awesome was that!!! Perhaps I am crazy but I MUST meet this man. This is why I will not rest with a clear conscience until Erock, Brian and I drive our sorry asses to Alabama this summer and sing and dance with Sammy. I WILL go to the Flea Market Montgomery and it will be the most glorious day of my life. And it will all be filmed and documented. YES!!! I WILL DANCE WITH SAMMY!!! IT JUST LIKE... IT JUST LIKE... A MINI MAWL!!!

The Best Commercials Ever

OK. I know I really went off on that Sea World commercial so in all fairness I will post my favorite commercials of all time just to show that my taste is not horrible. I mean, I might have a very ODD taste but thats the way it goes, I'm nothing more than a nut. So enjoy my favorites which I like to call "Horrible Actors on Fire" and "I Would do the Same Thing" respectively:

Damn Sea World Commercial...

OK. Before I say anything... You have to watch this:



Now answer me something... WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? I have many questions that I demand Sea World to answer. First and foremost... Why in the hell is Shamu flying?! I mean, that really bothers the hell out of me. Its retarded. Its something that a kindergartener would dream up. Maybe thats their whole point but to those of us who still have sense... It might just be the most stupid thing imaginable.

Secondly... When was the last time one of those dolphins actually came that close to you? I mean really... Having a dolphin come near you is like an endurance trial. You very quietly and gently put your hand on the surface of the water, wait there, don't move... I think it's coming... Wait for it... OH NO, it went the other fucking way. What else is new. But no... This kid and her father get one fucking bobbing its whole upper half out of the water to greet them. Yea. That would be the day.

Thirdly... I might be seeing things but does Shamu come out of the water under the kid at the play area. Damn, you know, if that actually happened, my ass would be in the play area all day just waiting like I do for the damn dolphins. There I am... Looking like a dumbass with my face pressed against burning hot plastic in some maze of microwaves that slowly kill you HOPING for a glimpse of a frickin whale.

Lastly... I don't think this needs much more of an explanation but THAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING SONG IN THE WORLD!!! Some genius at marketing was like... OK, lets have a song with a lot of Hey Ya's and throw in an Ooooo for good measure. THAT WILL DO IT! WTF happened to the days of New Sensation by INXS? Oh man. This commercial just bothers me every time I see it and it must be put to an end.

The Heartbreak Kid

So. My cinematic indulgence this week was The Heartbreak Kid with Ben Stiller... As you can obviously see from above. Despite full well knowing that Farrelly brothers movies can be hit (Me Myself and Irene, Dumb and Dumber) or miss (Shallow Hal, Stuck On You), I gave it a shot.
Let's put it this way. I am glad I went for matinée and it only cost me six bucks. Any more than that and I would have regretted it.

It seemed to be a desperate try by the Farrelly brothers to create another one of their past hits. Don't get me wrong, it had some funny scenes but nothing brilliant and original. Hell, one scene in particular seemed so stupid that you could put it into one of the Scary Movies and it would fit right in just fine. Certain things were nothing more than playing into the immature side of people that still likes bodily grotesque humor. No class, just thrown in your face. The only saving grace of this movie is Ben Stiller's rants. For some reason, whenever he gets pissed off, I find it hilarious. Oh yea, and a major downside to this movie is that Carlos Mencia is in it. His role just seemed thrown in for the hell of it and it's not like he even did a good job.

I guess my overall thoughts are that you should skip it and see something else unless there is nothing you want to see but still want to go to the movies. The Heartbreak Kid is a movie that you can enjoy just as much from the comfort of your own home renting it or, dare I say, downloading it. The big screen gives it no added appeal at all.

Overall: 2/5

My Addiction

Hello everyone. My name is William and I am an addict.

The sad part is that it is THE most stupid thing on the planet to be addicted to... Downloading games. I mean, I'm a frickin schizo. I play a game MAYBE once every 2-3 days yet I try to get as many as I can. I am like one of those stupid squirrels that is completely full but will still do everything in his power to horde as many nuts as possible. Downloading the games, on its own, has almost begun a game. I mean... I have to find them. I have to DL them. I have to keep my seed to leech ratio above a certain point. Except there is one problem... I see no end in sight. On top of it all I KNOW I will never play every one of these games. Some of them I am only faintly interested in for that matter. I am a dumbass and I will forever remain a dumbass until the day I die (and Erock gets my DS) it seems.

So, in the end... I am a squirrel... Wow. It is a sad day. I guess it could be worse though. I could be Don King reincarnated as a squirrel..........

Death at a Funeral

So, after hearing great things about this movie, I decided that it would be worth a shot. Truthfully, I am not a giant fan of British comedy. Don't get me wrong, I loved Shaun of the Dead and I worship Monty Python but for most British humor, I feel it is hit or miss (that is why I won't go see the new Bean movie... the first one wasn't half bad but this one just reeks of failure). However, this movie seemed much less British humor and more Dark/Black humor. And that, my friends, is my favorite comedy genre. My parents and I were the only people laughing inside a full theater of college students when we went to go see House of 1000 Corpses. Hell, I don't even know if Rob Zombie would classify his movie as a comedy, but it sure as hell made me laugh a lot. Anyways, this movie started out brilliant and the comedic recipe for disaster just never ended.

It was your typical dark comedy but the acting made it brilliant. Take a horrible situation, in this case, the death of a family member, add tension between family members, skeletons in the closet, hallucinogenic drugs, a gay midget, and some of the most horrible circumstances you can dream up, add them all together and you can somewhat understand the bizarre absurdity that this movie put forth. If you see this move, expect top notch acting from Alan Tudyk (If you do not know who he is... Think Steve the Pirate in Dodgeball or Wat in A Knights Tale) and Peter Dinklange (Don't really know of him in any other context besides the midget in Nip/Tuck). One series of horrible events after another made this movie one worth seeing.

However, a word of caution. Not many people would feel the same way about this movie as I did. If you are sensitive to topics such as sanctity of death, homosexuality, drug use, or any of these mixed together... This movie is NOT for you. You have to walk into this movie suspending reality and not judging it based upon the circumstances. If you do, you will probably hate it. So, in homage to the British; this film is the dog's bollocks and you'd have to be barmy and blinkered to skive it and Bob's your uncle.

Overall: 4.5/5

Back to the Future

Call me a nerd as much as you want... I frickin love Back to the Future. If it is on TV, I just have to watch it. However, recently I have had an issue with one of my favorite movies of all time. It seems that there is a potential philosophical screw up in part 2. Let me explain...

We are told by Doc in the scene where they leave Jennifer on the front porch of the alternate 1985 that, if their mission goes as planned, the world should change around her and it would be like she never left. At this point, they go back in time to stop Biff from obtaining the sports almanac. However, lets flash back to a little earlier in the movie... Remember when Biff steals the Delorian to give his younger self the sports almanac in the first place? If Doc's prior statement were to hold true, then the future reality that Marty and Doc were both in would have completely changed around them to a reality where Biff is a powerful multimillionaire. What happened here? I mean, I understand suspending reality to a certain degree but this movie was so flawless in my eyes. For years I could not come up with any fault in the movie. And BOOM... Like a dumbass, I see it right in front of my eyes.

**Sigh** This doesn't change anything though. Like an idiot, for years to come, I will be drawn in like a moth to the flame. I mean, who can resist the Doc and Marty duo. So "Great Scott"... "This is heavy" and all that. Fuck continuity, the Back to the Future trilogy is brilliant.

Halloween Horror Nights 17

So, being a die hard fan of HHN, I was going into this year hoping that it would be really good. I mean, you have Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Mary Shaw, and the Thing... How could they fuck it up? With that said... I think that, for the first time in a few years, I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment at HHN.

Because it was opening night, my dad and I bought the early admission to HHN for an extra 10 dollars. This was, BY FAR, the best thing we could have done. You get into IOA from 4-6 to ride whatever you want (I did the Hulk and Dueling Dragons) and then at 6 you get taken from IOA to Universal Studios. Here, you wait for about 5-10 minutes and then they let you loose on the park while people are still sitting at the front gate wondering what the hell people are doing inside. So, right off the bat I was able to go through Nightmare on Elm Street and Psychoscareapy. Then 6:30 hit and all hell broke loose because the front gates were opened. However, because we were able to rush to the other houses away from the entrance, we were able to do all 8 houses, repeat 2 AND see the Bill and Ted show by the end of the night. Before I go on, I will give you guys a brief run down on what I thought of each house. Here goes nothing:

Dead Silence: The Curse of Mary Shaw - Even though I liked the movie, I really did not go into this haunted house with very high hopes. I left it to be done 6th because it was right near the front of the park and I could have taken it or left it. However, I was greatly surprised because I really enjoyed it. I felt it's allure was less about how scary it was and more about how amazing the set was detailed. Dolls lined up, walkways over a stage and a vintage bedroom made this haunted house a really cool addition to the night (especially if you saw the movie). But like I said, not much about getting scared unless seeing an old woman's face come out of the dark freaks you out. 3.5/5

A Nightmare on Elm Street: Dreamwalkers - Again, attention to detail was amazing. Anyone who is a fan of the movies will love this house. I mean, all I have to say is that certain rooms replicate certain ways that Freddy killed people and damn is one of them awesome. Also not all about the scares but hey, it's Freddy. Also, the sound track in the background will get very old. Freddy says about once every 30 seconds "Time to die." As a side note, this is probably the most popular house so it is best to do it early in the night (I did it first and because I still had time I came back and did it again 10th). 4/5

Psychoscareapy: Home for the Holidays - Oh man, what was not good about this house? Women gift wrapping severed heads, a mentally challenged man on a child's rocking horse, goofy laughter, and idiocy. I fucking loved it. GREAT detail down to the smell in rooms. However, might not do it for you if you don't have a twisted sense of humor. As for me, best of the night (saw it 2nd). The only reason this house does not score perfect is because it failed to scare me. I was just laughing too damn hard. 4.5/5

Vampyr: Blood Bath - Um... Not much to say really. It was a rip off of a vampire night club... Can someone say Blade (they even played the same damn song)??? Well, some men might say that the only redeeming factor about this house is the numerous scantily clad women dancing on poles and each other. It was fun to watch women get upset at their significant others for staring. Other than that, kinda a waste of time (saw it 8th). Never got scared and detail was off. 1.5/5

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Flesh Wounds - Not my favorite. Chainsaws typically don't scare me and the instances of seeing Leatherface were few and far between. However, I will saw that if you get very lucky, you might get to see a badass scene where Leatherface kills someone. That alone made my jaw drop because it looked so damn good. Other than that one scene, kinda seems like they threw it together last minute (did this one 5th). 2.5/5

Friday the 13th: Camp Blood - All I can say is... DO NOT DO THIS HOUSE DURING THE DAY! I went in it 3rd (while it was still light out) and you could see everything. The scareactors had no hopes of hiding. One Jason just sat there leaning on the window while you walked by. But I went again at night (9th) and it was well worth it. The detail is again good and you might see death scenes as well if you are lucky (it even got me to jump). I had to pretty much stop and hold up the line to watch them. 3.5/5

Jack's Funhouse in Clown-O-Vision - I really didn't want to do this house but we were talked into it by an employee who said it was amazing (we ended up going 4th). It was your typical 3-D house of years past. Not much different besides that the face paint they used seemed to jump out at you. Kinda odd. More than anything, I got scared once in this house because the 3-D classes kept disorienting me. I really didn't see it as that big of a deal. Worst of all, I never saw Jack... Go figure. 3/5

The Thing: Assimilation - I know most of you are thinking this would be horrible shit BUT I was pleasantly surprised. Despite going into this house 7th there was NO wait AT ALL. The entrance is hidden away by ET where nobody can find it. The scareactors did something they never do in other houses... ACT. I mean, you had Army men in there who looked terrified and were shooting their machine guns all over the place. They really gave you the impression that there was some crazy shit going on. A bit short but it was pretty damn cool. I even got properly scared in it. Let's hear it for the underdog. As a side note, you will probably hate it if you have never seen the movie. The nostalgia and novelty of it just wouldn't be there. 4/5

Bill and Ted - Not as good as past years and a bit too short. Seemed lacking overall. Eh. 2/5

Overall, I would definitely call this a good year for HHN. Each house had its own type of appeal and because Universal went with 8 different houses, the lines never got over an hour while I was there opening night. Kudos for a good year. I will be back on the 12th.

So it begins...

OK. I need to say this... Damn you Andrew for making me do this again. I read your blog and think... You know, it would be interesting to write my own. However, I have tried this many times in the past and it ends up lasting no longer than a year. Let's see how long I can make it this time.